Ooh, what a performance

I have read in at least three separate articles in the last twenty-four hours about how the author does not 'care what other people think'. Although the very fact that they are writing those words would suggest precisely the opposite, I have to concede that I have always cared far too much, probably, what other people think. In fact, I'm nearly obsessed with it. I've always assumed that personality is a performance. This is simply my experience of how differently I've behaved, and continue to behave, in different situations. The word behaviour itself, for me, connotes a dimension of scripted performance for a social - by which I mean involving other people - occasion. How can one truly behave independently of other individuals? I am therefore wary of anyone who says they 'do not care' what others think. I suspect that more often they would like to be seen not to care, in which case they care that other people should appreciate their nonchalance. Similarly, what is a performance - dramatic, musical, or otherwise - if it is not a performance to an audience of others? And is not an individual only a performer if performing to this audience? A performer cannot give a performance if he does not care what the audience thinks, since a performance is only defined by the audience's presence and appreciation. I am musical only for the impressions, partially musical, partially egotistical, which my music invokes in other people's minds. Similarly, if I were to write a book, I would write it only with an intended audience, even if this were not until after my death. I would still be writing it in the expectation of a certain reaction from others. If there were no-one to read it, would I write it? Probably not.

End of ramble.