The Essay Monster is Dead (or, Twelve Pints: A Story of Excess)

Completed is the glorious week. Yes, I wrote all my essays, with the aid of coffee, and I passed my driving test, with the aid of torrential rain, and finally I have vanquished the Essay Monster, who has been following me around for months. The most appropriate celebration of this was to try to beat William Hague's famous 14-pint drinking binge. A free Guinness, some cheap Worthington, a load of Landlord and a few John Smith's all went down reasonably well. In the course of yesterday's binge I met just about all my lecturers in the pub. I'm sure there's something to say about that fact. J. B. came and went because he was too tired; G. W. was mysterious and distant as ever; A. W. has grown a beard; E. G. was wearing glasses; M. P. writes in the Guardian and so I felt cool and bohemian that I knew him.