Hodgeheg
No more fucking rainbows
And there you were thinking that Green Wing was made up.
Inconsistent superstition
Something occurred to me just now in Ikea. Why is it that few people these days still "believe" that opening an umbrella indoors is bad luck, while so many persist in pointedly not walking under ladders?
Shortly after this rare flash of inspiration, I witnessed someone accidentally smash a mirror on the floor. Concerned for my safety, I paid for my candles and left as quickly as possible. What? Have you ever been to Ikea for plant pots and a suitcase and not left with a bag full of candles?
I thought as much.
Tags: ikea, superstition, ladder, umbrella
Labels: humour
The power of gorgeous
Of all the unintelligent things you might expect people to say in the aftermath of a narrowly averted plane crash, these comments from the pilot's neighbour must be among the more bizarre. According to Mrs Firminger, he was able to land the plane because he's so good looking:
Mrs Firminger said she was not surprised Mr Burkill dealt with the situation so well.
She said: "He's absolutely gorgeous. He's all you imagine an airline pilot to be. He's very good looking, very calm.
So the next time you fly, try to check out the pilot first.
Labels: humour
Insane idiocy
Is the most amusing and depressing thing I have heard in a long time. (Thx Nick)
Labels: humour
Suffocation
Referrer log of the day
Someone reached this site searching for an answer to the query, "my rabbit dies mysteriously could this mean I'm pregnant". If anyone has any insight on the matter, please call the nearest mental asylum.
Labels: humour
Food + bed = ?
At 11.15pm last night, I ate a pizza. At 8.40am this morning, my bed collapsed.
You do the math.
s.
Labels: humour
No smoking on the Norfolk Front Line
Jonny Billericay gives his inimitable take on the smoking ban from a rain-soaked pub in Norfolk.
Tags: jonnybillericay, norfolk, ban, smoking.
Need
I have just been to a very pleasant Independence Day party at my friend's very pleasant flat in the Northern Quarter. However, the reason for this post is to fulfill my need to record the fact that, as we were leaving, her friend called me a "man-sized man". As I have never been called this before, and certainly never will be again, it was important to ensure that the event did not dissolve into the stew on the slow cooker of long-term memory.
Labels: humour, manchester
MMU Library ban
The amusing saga of Manchester Metropolitan University students being barred from Manchester University's library continued recently, with a permit system reminiscent of the Israel-Palestine arrangement:
Access to John Rylands University Library reinstated
New procedures for access in place
The Librarian of the JRUL (the University of Manchester's Library) has today reviewed the position in respect of MMU, and generously agreed to continue to allow access to students provided they are in possession of a SCONUL Research Extra card (available to post-grad research students) or a UK Libraries Plus card (for other students).
Students already in possession of one of these cards may continue to use the JRUL, while others will need to visit an MMU Library to obtain one. For the weekend of 12th and 13th May (and possibly for a day or two beyond until supplies of cards can be made available at other MMU sites) you will need to go to the Sir Kenneth Green Library at All Saints with your current MMU ID card. Your borrower record and other manual files will be checked to ensure that you are in good standing at MMU - cards will not be issued to students who have loans or fines outstanding at MMU or who have previously been ejected for continual talking, use of mobile phones, etc.
To use the JRUL Library you will then need to take both your UKLP and MMU ID card to the main JRUL site, and provided everything is in order (eg you are not recognised/identified as someone who has misbehaved in the past) your application will be processed and you will be given a card authorising temporary access (maximum to 31 August 2007 for the time being). It may not be possible to process your application the same day, but in the meantime you will be given a day pass. Please note, however, that access will be withdrawn immediately and permanently for anyone who behaves inappropriately whilst using the facilities.
It must be stressed that MMU students are guests when using the JRUL and have no automatic right of access to that library. We ask you to respect the JRUL and its staff (and indeed our own MMU facilities and staff) and to note that inappropriate behaviour will not be tolerated.
Admittedly, there is a high degree of schadenfreude implicit in my reproduction of this story, which was further increased by the fact that MMU students were barred in the middle of the exam period — and, of course, their own library chooses not to stock most books because they are available at the JRUL.
I do, however, fear that this could be taken to the UN.
Tags: manchester, university, metropolitan, library, mmu, ban, students.
Labels: humour, manchester, university
Fantastic journalism
Ha! This story, amusing enough in itself, contains the following absurd sentence:
Men of working age [in Russia] are three-and-a-half times more likely to die than men in Britain.
I'm not quite sure that's what they meant. Unless there is a three-and-a-half times higher rate of immortality in Britain than in Russia, I presume what they intended to write was:
Men in Russia are three and a half times more likely than men in Britain to die while still of working age.
It is these little things that keep graduate student amused at 3am.
Tags: bbcnews, grammar, mistake.
Labels: humour
Daylight Saving Causes Global Warming Shocker
© 2000-2010 Newfred.com. All rights reserved.